The urge to travel: thats what has been eating into my peace lately. This urgency to leave the place I'm in. Something just seems to be ticking inside me and I'm unable to stop the overwhelming feeling of packing my bags and just leave. I want to say "I see you" to myself. I want to just go on in this journey of discovery of "What do I need? & Who am I?". I think I need security & family but then that doesn't seem to be able stop the gnawing inside that says " Don't try to force something that I can't adapt to, the time is gone for bonding, it's time to just embrace the world and leave what I fancied would be something that I ought to be" . I'm no home maker, I'm no Home bound girl, I TRIED ,OH HOW I TRIED BUT I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO BE WHAT I'M NOT.
Family expectations go beyond my capacity to give. I would rather I could be what I'm not to them, but Somethings can't be changed, something that is carved into me like the very breath that I take to Live. What I'm doing is conventionalty but what I'm is non-conventional. I would like to bury the "I" in me and become one with all but the "I" in me keep calling out and refuse to die out. It's not lack of trying, I have tried since school but even if you strip an eagle of it's skin and put a sparrow's feathers to it, an eagle won't change it's nature to Fly above the skies and against the storm. A sparrow would be much more content with the hearth but a Bird that is made for freedom and independence wants more. A sparrow may aim to fly higher than the clouds but it can still stay happy chirping around the trees yet an eagle knows not what happiness is unless soaring above the clouds free . "Freedom" I need that, "Acceptance" I need that, but I guess that the acceptance I'm wisihing for is more yet freedom is what I NEED in my very soul.
I LET ME LOSE SO MANY TIMES OVER , NOW I JUST NEED TO SOAR. I wish I could be more to you yet I die every day slowly trying to be what I'm not. So heres to freedom at last! I'm taking the plunge.
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